Repeating Yourself Over and Over Again With a Girl
Have you lot ever wondered why people keep repeating the same affair in conversations over and over? If you're anything like me, y'all tin can't ignore the content of conversations because yous know that language tin can be a window to the mind.
People repeat what they say for a number of reasons in a variety of contexts. I'm simply concerned here with those instances where what they say over and over tin can provide clues to their psychological makeup.
Start off, I desire to be clear as to what specific instances I'one thousand talking about. I'thou not talking about instances where a person repeats something in a chat because they feel they've non been heard- a person repeating their point in a contend, for example.
I'm also not talking about instances where it'south obvious why the person is repeating themselves. An example would be a child repeatedly asking for candy when her mother clearly has no intention of giving one.
The incidences I'm talking almost are the ones where y'all notice that someone tells others the same thing that they've told you lot. It'south usually a story of an incident that happened to them.
Now my question is: Why would they, of all topics, go along saying the same matter to the people they encounter?
Before we delve into the possible reasons, I'd like to narrate an incident from my own life:
I and a few classmates were working on a grouping project in the concluding semester of my undergrad. We had ii assessments for the projection work- small and major. During the small-scale assessment, our professor pointed out a shortcoming in our project work.
It'southward natural to feel bad (no affair how slightly) when yous experience something similar this. Merely what I noticed was that not all of us in the group were affected in the same manner by that remark.
While most of us forgot about it presently afterward, in that location was this one girl in our group who was clearly more afflicted by it than the rest of usa. How do I know that?
Well, afterwards that incident she kept repeating what the professor had said to nearly everyone she talked to, at least in my presence. Then much so that she even pointed it out in our major assessment despite my warning of not revealing anything that may undermine our assessment.
This intrigued and frustrated me. I confronted her and said, rather angrily, "Why practice yous keep mentioning it to anybody? Why is it such a big deal to you?"
She didn't have an answer. She fell silent. Since and so, I've noticed many people, including myself, appoint in the exact same behaviour.
The mind is e'er trying to make sense of things
If someone tells you that your friend died in an accident and gives you a detailed clarification of what happened, you're unlikely to enquire any more questions. Yous may immediately slip into a land of stupor, disbelief, or even sadness.
Consider what would happen if they just told that you that your friend died without telling you why or how. You lot'd desperately inquire the same questions over and over till your listen makes sense of the incident (with the assistance of relevant answers).
This example is pretty straightforward where you're repeatedly request questions to get answers. But why would someone repeat something that is not necessarily a question?
Again, the answer is the same. Their mind is trying to brand sense of what happened. The issue is unresolved in their heed. By repeating the same thing over and over, they want to resolve it and do abroad with it.
Many things that we come across on a daily basis get easily resolved (I fell because I slipped, he laughed because I said something funny, etc.). Merely some things are not then easily resolved and leave deep impressions on u.s.a..
Consequently, our minds go stuck in this loop of trying to brand sense of them considering they oasis't made full sense to u.s. yet.
Past traumas and repeating the aforementioned things
A person who has had a traumatic experience in the past may keep acting out these traumas in their dreams. Only by talking about the trauma repeatedly, trying to brand sense of it, can they hope to end these dreams.
When we hear the discussion trauma we tend to think of some major unfortunate incident. Simply trauma also comes in other, minor forms. That remark our professor made was traumatic for the girl who went on to tell everyone about it.
When people go close to each other in relationships, they often talk about their bad past and childhood experiences. They may non overly express how those experiences traumatized them. They may try to portray the instances as entertaining or interesting. But the fact that they're repeating these stories is a strong indication of trauma.
Next time your friend says, "Have I told you this before?" say "No" even if they have, just to get a better understanding of their psychology.
Justifying yourself and repeating the same things
Oftentimes, the bad experiences a person is trying to make sense of, past talking about them repeatedly, involve self-blame. On a deep level, the person thinks that they're somehow responsible for what happened to them. Or at least, they had a part in it or could have avoided it somehow.
Then when they are telling their story it'due south probable that they'll endeavor to justify themselves. In doing and then, they may even distort the story and narrate it in such a way that clears them of any blame and showcases them as victims.
Why practise they practise this?
We're always trying to project a good image of ourselves to our young man humans, peculiarly those who affair to us. If in that location'south something in our recent or distant past that has the potential to degrade our epitome, we make certain that they know we're not to arraign.
This paradoxical situation of first blaming oneself and and so trying to vindicate oneself usually happens on an unconscious level. And so information technology'southward no wonder that people continue repeating this behaviour without stopping to self-reflect.
It's important to remember that these instances that people repeatedly talk nigh may not necessarily exist traumatic. Information technology could exist anything they haven't yet made total sense of.
When that girl in our project group repeated the professor's remark, it didn't traumatize me but it left an impression still. At the fourth dimension, I wasn't able to make sense of it.
Therefore, my mind kept replaying the incident over and over and I might as well have told the aforementioned story to others over and over but I didn't.
Lucky for them, I'yard often self-reflective enough not to appoint in behaviours that may reveal my psychology. So I spared them the colorlessness. I've finally told the story and attempted to make sense of it via this article.
Hi, I'm Hanan Parvez (MBA, MA Psychology), founder and author of PsychMechanics. I've published i volume and authored 300+ manufactures on this web log (started in 2014) that have garnered over 4 million views. PsychMechanics has been featured in Forbes, Business Insider, Reader'south Digest, and Entrepreneur. Experience complimentary to contact me if you accept a query.
Source: https://www.psychmechanics.com/why-people-keep-repeating-same-thing/
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